Revelations...

Again, it's been awhile since the last blog. Things have been stressful, I have been in a bad relapse, and Liam is teething. Through all of this though, I've been keeping my chin up, as usual. Montel Williams was on Oprah today. He was discussing his battles with Multiple Sclerosis. The thing that touched me completely, while listening to him, was his passion, his vulernability, and his strength to overcome anything that the horrible disease throws at him. He suffered from severe depression, was suicidal, has non-stop pain throughout his body. He has a rapidly progressing form of the disease, increasing the unpredicatability of it. But there he was, on Oprah, telling his story. Telling it with passion, with courage, and with a strength that some would be blessed to posess. He focuses on the small things in his life, and treats every day as a gift. He pushes himself every single day, forces himself to get out of bed. He faces each day with strength and passion. His wife stays by his side, being his main support system. He lives every day with this debilitating disease. And he still smiles.

Yes, this affects me on a level that might not affect others in the same way. What I loved about watching him though, was, it proves that others can get through it. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. He was very candid and bluntly honest. I appreciate that. Through watching him, I felt comforted and reassured. I know it's okay to have a bad day, to be frustrated with the disease, to question my diagnosis, and to be stubborn as hell. I can be anal. I can have a bad day. I can curl up in bed with Liam and just veg. I can have a good try with no reason. I can overcome what is thrown at me.

This past week has thrown me into a tail spin. The job that I got hired at, well, I have chosen not to pursue it. The stress of thinking about the job and all that it entails, put me into a relapse. I know better. It wouldn't have worked out, but I am stubborn, so I thought I could do it. I also experienced new symptoms, mostly stomach problems, and my depression/anxiety level was up there.

I'm not sure why I am blogging all of this, but I am feeling a sense of calm as the words scroll across the screen. Maybe I don't want to hide from it, and actually admit that this disease is getting to me lately. Mostly frustration. I hate the battle, but I love the fight. And I fight it daily. I want it known that I have MS, and I am trying different techniques to manage the symptoms. And I have an amazing support system, which is definitely the best part.

I definitely need to keep up the healthy eating plan we are on, and we have been looking at going to a gym, as exercise always makes me feel better.

I should head to bed... that's another thing I need more of... sleep! Cheers!